Well, Proctor. I respect You very much. As my bandages fall apart. That's different... I'm a mercenary, You are a softy. I can feel this one. being alone..... Try some other materials perhaps ? Ballpoint... I bet You can work it...You need patience ... I just know You can do it. And Your deepest hurt. You need more time.... I always use my pain and my loss. So they can have a purpose still. And live on.